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Description

The Major: My friends, it has often been said that I like war.  
My friends, I like war.  
No, friends, I LOVE WAR!
 
I love holocausts. I love blitzkriegs. I love defensive lines. I love sieges. Charges. I love mop-up operations and retreats.  
Wars across prairies, in streets, in trenches, in grasslands, in frozen tundras, through deserts, on the sea, in the air. I love every act of war that can occur upon this earth!
 
I love blasting the enemy to smithereens with artillery salvos that thunder across the lines of battle.  
My heart leaps with joy whenever a soldier is tossed high into the air and cut to pieces by well placed sniper rounds!  
And there is nothing like a tank operator using a Tigel[sic] Acht-Acht to destroy enemy tanks.  
And the feeling that comes when a soldier runs screaming from his blazing tank only to be mowed down by heavy machine gun fire is such an exquisite feeling.
 
Like when ranks of infantry brandish their bayonets rushing into the enemy line.  
It moves me deep within my heart to watch a fresh recruit stabbing over and over into the bloated chest of a long-dead enemy.
 
The sight of deserters being strung up from a street lamp is an irresistible pleasure.  
And there is nothing more arousing than the sounds made by prisoners of war dropping like flies, screaming in agony as they’re mowed down by ear piercing Schmeissers!
 
When a band of pitiful resistance fighters makes their final stand with nothing but small arms, only to have their city smashed to atoms block by block by 4.8 ton bombshells, I’m in ecstasy.
 
I love it when my forces are ravaged by a Russian armored division. It’s so sad to see towns and villages that were supposed to be defended at all costs, being laid to waste, their women and children being raped and killed.  
I love to be squashed under the heel of the British and American war machines. The humiliation as my men crawl around like vermin, ducking the JAG bombers flying overhead.
 
Gentlemen… all I ask for is war. A war so grand as to make Hell itself tremble.  
Gentlemen, I ask you as fellow brothers in arms, what is it that you really want?  
Do you wish for further war as I do?  
Do you wish for a merciless, bloody war? A war whose fury is built with iron, and lightning, and fire?  
Do you ask for war to sweep in like a tempest, leaving not even ravens to scavenge from this Earth!?
 
Letzes Battalion: Krieg! Krieg! Krieg, krieg, krieg, krieg, krieg, krieg!”
 
The Major: Very well. Then krieg is what you shall have.  
We are a clenched fist, ready to strike down all who oppose us with our might.  
But..after enduring over half a century wallowing in the darkness, for us a simple “ordinary” war will no longer be sufficient.  
We need a MASSIVE war! A war beyond any other that man’s history has never known!
 
We are but a single battalion…the remnants of a defeated army numbering less than a thousand strong.  
However, I believe that each of you old warriors is equal to a thousand of their sickly soft children!  
We represent a force that could easily defeat an army of a million and one men!  
It is time for them to awake the ones who sent us screaming into oblivion, and who now lie sleeping.  
Let’s drag them out of bed by the hair, and remind them of what we are!
 
We will remind them of what it feels like to live in fear.  
We will remind them of the sound our jackboots make against their throats.  
We will remind them that there are more things between Heaven and Hell than are dreamt of in their philosophy.
 
Our Kampfgruppe of one thousand vampires is going to burn this world down to ash.  
Yes, my friends! Soon, Europe’s charred remains will illuminate the night sky!  
I have brought you all back just as I promised I would. Back to our favorite battlefield. Back to our beloved war!  
At last, the sea lion has crossed the ocean and is heading up the hill!
 
Attention all soldiers of the Millennium battalion, this is a message from your commander.
 
Friends…
 
Let’s bring them Hell.

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Background Pony #6602
oh boy. The Major is so enthusiastic about his chosen topic, and he speaks at such length. What if he were a fan of the show?
 
“My friends, it has often been said that I like ponies.  
My friends, I like ponies. No, friends, I LOVE PONIES!
 
I love Twilight Sparkle. I love Rainbow Dash. I love Fluttershy. I love Applejack. I love Pinkie Pie and Rarity. I love the Princesses.
 
Ponies in prairies, in streets, in cloud cities, in grasslands, in frozen tundras, through deserts, on the sea, in the air. I love every type of pony that can exist in Equestria!”
shinigamiPeter

‘I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of you have come to believe that I like var. I wish to dash these rumors! I do not like var. I. LOVE. VAR. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in ze morning, you get into your shitty car, und you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down ze street in his Porsche. “Class Var.” You make it to vork, und you find out that ze annual drug test is today. Und you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife’s awful parents. “Drug Var.” But zhen, you find out that ze only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. “Race Var.” Then, you try und post about it on your Facebook, but zen all your friends start arguing about vhat’s right und what’s wrong. “Flame Var.” You finally get home, und you decide to relax by vatching a program about: “Who gets ze box?” “What’s in ze box?” “How much is vhat’s in ze box worth?” “Storage Vars.” (chuckles) What I am telling you, my Nazi army of one zhousand vampires, is that I am a purveyor of var. And with your help over ze years, ve are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I vant a simple var. No Class Vars, no Drug Vars, no Race Vars, no Flame Vars, und certainly, no Cold Vars! Blueballed for forty years. Vhat I vant is a var zhat only ve can bring. A true var! A German var! The sequel you’ve all been vaiting for! I! VANT! VORLD! VAR!! THREE!!!’