Soon I’m reaching the milestone of being a brony for 12 years. Joining the fandom in 2013 gave me meaning in this dull life and gave me the push to try art and drawing for real.
But mental and emotional problems through out the years made me commit many mistakes.
Not following or studying tutorials, thinking myself to be a big shot, to hide my insecurities.
Not making friendships (or possibly attempting to burning them) out of envy towards other people who are more successful than me.
Not posting art consistently because they were made for friends in extra-specific contests or out of fear of getting negative reception… or getting the “delete the art, I don’t want to be involved” response from said friends.
And now… just when I overcame this issues, began to be more consistent with my artposting and working on my socials… I had a realization: what if my time is up?
If I’m almost in my 30s and this [art linked below] is all I had to present to future viewers, am I this delusional? And by delusional, I mean “DarkSydePhil level” of delusion.
I’ve seen “younger” bronies joining this fandom way later than me and putting much more effort and improvement on themselves faster than I could do in a single year.
I feel like art was never my call to begin with because I don’t have the talent to do so. 10+ years and I feel like I got crashed against a reality check with blunt force trauma of a car wreck. I feel like a fraud.
Am I right? Am I wrong? Should I stop and revalue my life aspirations or continue believing in something I love?
Could this style have any potential that can be nurtured? (I don’t want to shill my channel so I’ll post a Gyazo link)
I am terribly sorry if this looks like a pity party. I just could not hold these feelings any longer and I want to know what other (better) artists think of me. Is it attention seeking? Yes, it feels like it. But again… I am too insecure and demoralized to backpedal.