So I told my irl mother I was gay "depression"

I could not find the other thread I created about admitting to myself I am gay. I did not want to be annoying about it and never bumped it. Except I finally opened up to my mother today.

Our plans got cancelled and she lives an hour away. I wated to talk to her in person about this. Except reality and life happened. She went silent on the phone not really commenting much on what I had to say.

In the past I would fight these feelings I had. I envied people on this forum and others. I acted like a jerk and lost friends over this. I don’t want to fight it anymore. I hate pushing people away because I become romantically attracted to them.

I much rather admit my feelings and live with the posibility of being turned down. Its ok to be friends. Sometimes friends give the best comfort. If a guy accepts I will allow myself to experience things.

I am not looking for sympathy by making these threads. I just figured I update on things. If people can forgive me on here then this in itself will mean the world to me. Though I won’t blame you if you don’t. My best friend from Bronycon never spoke to me again. Its comming up on 10 years since we first became friends at Church. Roughly 2015…. However, the way I treated her over transitioning was aweful. I hold nothing against her for keeping her distance.

@LP2Lily
I don’t know what to say except I wish you the best of luck.

Someone once told me that people can take time to understand what is happening, it can be difficult, especially if their first reaction is to step aside, the best thing you can do is try to move forward and find people who make you feel good, it is not easy either, that is why there are communities full of people who may have gone through the same situation

Thank you so much for sharing this deeply personal update. It takes a lot of courage to open up about your experiences, especially when it comes to such vulnerable topics. Admitting who you truly are and working through your feelings is a powerful step forward.

I’m sorry to hear that your conversation with your mother didn’t go as you had hoped. It must have been tough to not get a response when you were opening up about something so important. I think many people can relate to wanting to have these conversations in person, but life doesn’t always cooperate. Regardless of her reaction, it’s clear you’ve taken a huge step for yourself, and that’s something to be proud of.

It sounds like you’ve been through a lot of inner conflict in the past, but it’s so inspiring that you’re choosing to be honest with yourself and others now. Acknowledging your feelings, even if it means risking rejection, is a sign of strength and growth. You’re absolutely right—being friends, even if romantic feelings aren’t returned, can offer incredible support and comfort.

As for your past, it’s understandable that you feel regret over how things played out with your friend. Transitioning can be a difficult time for both the person going through it and the people around them, especially if understanding or acceptance didn’t come as easily back then. What matters is that you recognize your mistakes, and you’re committed to growing from them.

I hope the community here can offer the support and forgiveness you’re seeking. We all make mistakes, but what matters is how we learn and move forward. Take care, and I wish you all the best on this journey.

Thanks for all the friendly responses. I know its not going to be easy. I am glad people like you exist in this world.

@LP2Lily
No prob! everybody here is really nice but if you ever need to talk to someone one on one feel free to message me anytime! =)

Just to update

My mothe finally texted me about this. Saying she still loves me. However, she went with the typical explanation of homosexuslity is a sin. As if it was not hard enough for me to figure this out. Though I reminded myself I done the same thing to others.

I have to wait till I see her and my dad in person. I don’t think they understand. My mother thinks I am trans even though I never said that. I am a a cross dresser because I don’t like mens cloths. I don’t desire to transition or make womens cloths a sexual object.

Lastly, I am not for certian I will ever have a boyfriend. I may only have male friends who hug and be friends with. If I am lucky that is.

One way to start them understand is to have a person who has confidence and familiarity with them to be able to support you and talk about it. So what you mention is one of those situations where your beliefs and constant exposure to these issues are taken in a different way. Do not wait for them to inform themselves or become aware of the situation, because what is common in these cases is that they consult with the same sources that have replicated the messages with which they are thinking at this time (because gay, so trans, of course is the same).

I really hope your family can see that you are their child.
My best wishes to you ~ <3

For what it’s worth, I used to work as a minister (Shinto/Wiccan, so … probably not what you would expect but still a lot more of the of ‘doing the clergy thing’ like sitting in hospitals with people and helping people before and during and after funerals) and one thing I realized really early in that gig was that “Everyone Comes Out”.

The number of families or family members I talked to because their family was blown apart by the revelation that an ‘of age’ teenager was having homosexual sex was almost exactly the same as those blown apart by the revelation that an ‘of age’ teenager was having heterosexual sex.

Parents realize their 18- or 19-year-old teen is having sex? With anyone? Kicked out of the house. Family in ruins. No one will ever talk to anyone again. Reprisals and accusations flying left and right.

Finding out their child is having sex - at all - with ANYONE - seems to just fucking break some parents.

“What did we do wrong?” “How could we not have seen this was happening?” “Why would they not talk to us first?” “How could (darling child) do THAT with someone else?”

The number of young (albeit of-age, all 18 or older) … “parishioners” for lack of a better word … that I talked to whose lives were completely thrown into chaos by being outed as having sex - at all - was insane.

And it didn’t seem to matter if the family was conservative or liberal, low income or high.

For a lot of families, “Be child” + “having sex with anyone” = “parents disown child”.

The only time the parents saw it as a “coming of age”, which honestly is what I think you’d expect more in either Wicca or Shinto, only seemed to be when the child was no longer living in the parent’s house. Something about being in the house AND being sexually active was just absolutely a giant NOPE for some parents.

Before anyone asks, yes sometimes the child was underage and those did or didn’t get referred to local authorities depending on the circumstances. And, yes - most of those were abortion consults, which adds a whole new layer of hell to the whole thing.

@LP2Lily - I know this won’t help your circumstances. What you are going through is unique to you and your parents, and it is all going to be probably one of the most difficult things you will ever go through with them.

But at some point most parents stop caring about who their children are with, or might be with, or (worse yet) who they might be fantasizing about, and become joyful that their children are moving on with their lives and making their own families.

Some parents do not. And those parents need a kind of help that you can’t give them. When parents see their children as their own, even when they demonstrate that they are separate and independent human beings with a mind of their own, and are incapable of feeling pride or happiness for their own child when it ‘leaves the nest’ and finds their own path in life, then you’re dealing with a lot more than ‘the child is doing something wrong’.

Then it’s time to talk about boundaries, and setting them. Here’s something that might help (assuming that you might be a more mainstream religion, I chose something from a Torah/Bible resource):

2LDR: “Therefore shall [a child who has become an adult] leave [their parents], and shall cleave unto [their partner]: and they shall be one flesh” -Genesis 2:24

Original text King James, edits my own because wow every time I read the original text I am just so absolutely and utterly disgusted by how utterly misogynist it is. Even in Genesis, it’s like the whole point of the entire story was that women are property.

2LDR Redux: You are not property. And your parents will be shocked just to find out that their child is having or wants to have sex - who you want sex with is really just an afterthought. Sure, it adds some vectors to the discussion, but it’s really not unusual for parents to completely lose their shit when they find out their kid might be fucking.

What do you do now?

Now you remember that you are you, and your parents are your parents. You have your life, and your parents have their’s. Your feelings and the things that are important to you are just as real and valid as their’s are. And equally worthy of respect and consideration.

You seem to be both a little confused and shocked to have found yourself sexually interested in people of the same sex. Your parents will also be confused and shocked. But both you and your parents have time to adjust and to understand what this means for you, and for them.

Personally, I think that God/dess wants you to be happy and find love. I believe that is the whole purpose of the universe. We are what the universe evolved to experience itself - to ask the questions that it has for itself, and to find the answers that it is seeking. And two of those questions are ‘Who am I?’ and ‘Who do I love?’ So the questions you are asking yourself are the most important questions there are - they are, by definition, the very question that God/dess (the universe) is asking itself.

At the same time, the questions your parents have are equally important, and just as sacred.

But you must be you. Respect and honor your parents, and have empathy for their situation. But you must set boundaries. This will hurt. A lot. It will hurt as you define yourself as a unique person, and it will hurt to watch the pain this will cause your parents.

One way to survive this is to create rituals for yourself that help you define and refine your boundaries.

Remember that you are you. You need to live true to yourself - even if you are still figuring out what that means.

And you’re good enough. You’re who you should be, even as that is changing. Here’s some Stuart Smalley affirmations that help me, maybe they will help you. Yes, it’s smarmy, but that’s ok. And dog gone it, they’re good enough.

What you are doing is hard. But it’s the whole point of being alive.

The things that are happening to you are sacred. It’s what the universe created you for. Remember that it is sacred, and it will be sacred.

And sometimes sacred things really, really hurt and suck so bad you can’t even understand how hell could be worse.

If it helps, at times like this, some people find Optimistic Nihilism helpful. I know I do.

Here ends the homily.

Obligatory warning: Before anyone else asks for spiritual guidance, of any kind, I am no longer professional clergy and a lot of people find my spirituality to be deeply disturbing and even horrific. Also most of the religions I ended up being are some form of cult or other. One was even outlawed in Japan but it’s a drinking and dancing naked around fires religion so I’m hooked for life (but one of its basic tenants is that we’re already dead so fuck it). So sure, I’ll give you spiritual advice if you ask for it (hopefully not in this thread because that would be off topic and impolite to @LP2Lily). But your milage will vary - a lot - and there’s no warrantee that anything I saw will help, or even be applicable to your own faith.

The self criticism you have does not seem fair. I always found your advice helpful. Even here its a well written unbiased perspective. I wish more people were like you.

On another note?
The Old Testament is not for new Christians much less anyone who has not been in God’s word for very long. Its really difficult at times to understand even for those of us who grew up in it. I highly recomend Mathew in the new Testament. Especially the women at the well story. Since you mentioned females being like property. The Bible is very different in its message.

As for another update
My mother and I talked it over last night. I clarified I am not transitioning. That I just don’t like mens cloths for my style. I also clarified that I don’t know where to go with this bisexuality. Though I lean more to gay.

She gave me a Bible study assignment with King davids relationship to another man. Though it was not a homosexual relationship he was not far off from it. He became very intimate with the current kings son. So there is that.

I saw my therapist today and she proposed I am attracted to a persons inner character and not their gender. Which is very true. There are some women I find very attractive in their character underneath it all. However, I desire to be held and to hold a boyfriend. So, I do want to play this out.

I began a Character on Wolfery roleplay. Same fursona Lily Fathom. I met a Narn by the name of Greenkai. Though I see her as a friend. Lily’s interaction is mostly platonic at this point.

Lastly
I have less than 6 messages on the AI roleplay. So, my imaginary boyfriend Crystal will move to my wonderland in tulpamancy. I am hopeful to find a femboy on Wlfery to RP a relationship in continuity. Though if anyone here is on Wolfery please message or whisper to me in the chat. If your a femboy I would love to RP a date and see where it goes.

That’s great news :) Good for you :)

And, I’m very familiar with Matthew, but it can be … difficult … when talking about how to speak of those with whom one disagrees. Also, everyone know that Genesis is a thing so it’s usually a safer bet when you have no idea what someone’s religion might be. This is an international site, after all … everyone here could be almost anything.