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And he’s yellin’ and screamin’ and bleeding all over
And I’m like “Hey, come on, don’t you get it?”
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming ARGH! ARGH! ARGH!!!!!!
You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can’t take a joke, you know?
This one guy comes up to me and says he hasn’t had a bite in three days.
Well, I knew what he meant, but just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein.
He’s like “Hey man, I was just being sarcastic”
Well, that’s just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I’m not a mind reader for cryin’ out loud
Besides, now he’s got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy
So what’s he complaining about?
But I won’t.
But I will continue.
Okay, like, this one time, I was out in the park trying to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil, when I see this guy Marty carryin’ a sofa up the stairs all by himself! So I said to him, I said “hey, you want me to help me with that”?
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes “No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.”
So I did.
Edited because: complete the chain
“I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin’ a lot of attitude”
Anyway, things really started lookin’ up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That’s right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
And we broke up and I never saw her again, but that’s just the way things go…